Crazy title, right?
But let’s be real. As you try to mature your program, there are some people who don’t get with the program. Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t try with these folks, but trying only goes so far. If you’ve implemented policies and procedures, if you’ve sent out reminders, if you’ve made it as easy as possible for them to execute, you’ve given them the tools for them to execute, you’ve walked through it with them to execute… at some point, you just realize that they really have this possessive ownership over this. They think they run stuff with their ERG and don’t realize that their ERG is part of a larger ERG program…which you own.
It comes to that point.
And that’s a conversation nobody wants to have, but at some point you’ve got to tell them: get with the program or get lost. That is what it is. Again, you should try to maintain, but there is a stopping point. This is something a lot of ERG program managers struggle with because we’re nice people. Oftentimes we’re in the inclusion and diversity space, so giving people the axe isn’t necessarily our forte, but it has to be done. I’ve had to do it a few times now. I don’t love it, but it does need to be done.
First, it starts off with a DM message. Keep it simple, direct, and neutral:
“Hey, x thing needs to be done by this date. Do you have any questions or do you need to hop on a call so we can walk through it together?”
If it’s not done on that date, that’s a first strike. You can give them a follow-up after with an extended week for it to be done. It should be a simple task, not something that will take days for them to complete, something that can be done in less than an hour if they just focused.
Your follow-up should remove any confusion and reinforce importance:
“Hey, really need this to be done. Here’s how it affects the team. Here’s what you need to do to execute it. Step-by-step instructions. Here’s my calendar so we can hop on a call and talk through it.”
That message matters. You’re making it easy, you’re showing impact, and you’re giving support without chasing. Sometimes they’re truly just ignoring you and it’s not a good relationship, but sometimes they really are just busy. And at a certain point, you have to say:
“If you don’t have the time for this, I totally understand. No pressure. But this does need to be done consistently, and we can get someone in the role who can support.”
Believe it or not, this message has often take been taken quite well when I’ve sent it. People typically apologize and say yes, they have been MIA, they’re overworked and need to step back. And then I follow up by saying:
“It’s okay. An engaged ERG member is just as important as an engaged ERG leader.”
Which is kind of true. We do need engaged members to motivate the ERG leaders. But I say that to say—that’s a message a lot more folks need to send to their ERG leadership teams.
I saw this quote earlier today that says, sometimes if you can’t change people, you have to change people, and I’m a really big fan of that. Actually, in previous years, the phrase that I’ve been using in my head—I rarely say it out loud because it is so harsh —is this: the best time to get rid of cancer is yesterday.
ERG leaders who don’t get with the program can be cancerous to an ERG program. It’s contagious. Especially if the mentality spreads to other ERGs, it can be horrible. So you have to nip it in the bud.
People get into this work for different reasons. Maybe they genuinely thought they’d be able to fulfill the role. Maybe they stepped into it for the clout without realizing there’s actual work involved. Maybe they were part of the founding team or even started the ERG and now they’re just uncomfortable with the changes, regardless of what their original intentions were. But the reality is, if you’re trying to mature the program, the things you’re implementing are for the long-term benefit of everyone.
That doesn’t mean you can’t offer to hop on a call and ask how you can better support them. You should. But when they say, because they probably will, “I just want to do it my way” or “I miss how we used to do it,” that’s where you acknowledge it. Yes, there was once more freedom. But if they still want access to budget and still want to support their community in a meaningful way, it has to be done within this new structure. That’s part of program maturity. And if that doesn’t align with how they want to operate, you can empathize. Change is hard. But you also have to recognize that they may no longer be the right fit for the role. Sometimes that’s the message that needs to be communicated.
And that is the work of an ERG program manager.